Sometimes, it helps to address the soul cleansing directly, through other means.  Just as there is accumulated debris after any fruitful activity, after a good meal, there are crumbs and plates to clean, after a long nap, a bit of stretching and eye rubbing needs to be tended too, so it is with the psyche and the soul as it goes through the experience of day-to-day living.  So often, as we go through experiences, some subtle, some not so subtle, we do not have the time, energy, skill or awareness to see what left over questions, thoughts and feelings have yet to be processed.  Whether it is a painful or even traumatizing experience, a pleasant, celebratory one, or a simple daily transition, there can be resulting energies, if left unprocessed, that can begin to block the flow of energy in your life. And just as a pile can sit in a basement, or at the back of the drawer in your desk, or worst of all, somewhere in the fridge emitting its telltale odor to try and guide you to its source, so too can unprocessed experiences sit within and clog up the works.  Each “pile” in the soul requires different types and levels of urgency to be addressed, but even to begin realizing that this is a form of hygiene that is just as important as an other, is an important first step. The “odor” of an unprocessed experience can show up in many ways in your life, from repeated and unsatisfying life patterns or blocks to chronically challenging emotions or even physical maladies.

While we live in a culture that is more than happy to help you spring clean your home, and more and more accommodating to those prone to physical cleanses of the body, there are very few places where we can look to societal support or guidance for a good soul cleansing. Even in some of the places where we can find it, such as therapy, we often relate to it as something “wrong”, oil for a squeaky wheel, rather than simply good spiritual hygiene needed by everyone, and honored and shared between as all.

In our society, crying, which can be a hallmark of a good solid soul cleansing, is often seen as a weakness or a flag that something is wrong and needs to be fixed, or at the very least, an uncomfortable disturbance.  While this generalization is by no means true across the board, it is common enough to make it worth addressing. Even if one does find tears to cry, many only feel safe doing so in our most private spaces, which, in many ways, can be counterproductive to the purpose of crying as a cleansing for the soul.  Oftentimes, what we need is to be witnessed and cared for in our cleansing in order to really clear completely.

In a Mayan Village in Guatemala, the tradition is such that, when a man or woman walks down the street wailing and crying in agony over whatever the subject may be, he or she is not escorted to a mental ward, nor given pills to quiet them, nor arrested for disturbing the peace, nor even consoled or asked “what’s wrong?”.  Rather, the villagers turn to each other and say, “let’s go listen”.  While the person expresses their grief, the village listens, until the grief has poured its way out, leaving the originating vessel a clean home in which to go forth living.  In another village, this one in Burkina Faso in Africa, the people routinely have huge Grief Rituals where the village comes together to grieve the passing of life’s many longings and loves in a potently organized and beautiful ceremony. I had the supreme privelege to participate in two of these ceremonies led at a conference center in Massachusetts by Sobonfu Some, a native of the Dagara People to whom the tradition belongs.  In both of these cases, what was once deemed an unpleasant, lonely and sometimes traumatizing place to be, that is to say, grief, becomes an opportunity to share in the devastating beauty and potency of the human experience, and so becomes a celebration of life, in its full spectrum of colors.  In both, the full spectrum and its expression is more a matter of spiritual and emotional hygiene, rather than the fixing of a problem.

A major goal of my work as a Life Coach and Healer, is to aide people in remembering how to feel and to grieve fully and authentically; to relearn how to clean the dishes of the soul with just as much casual consistency and attentiveness as you would the ones in your sink (though I’ve found the more the dishes of the soul stay dirty, the more challenging it is to bring yourself to clean the ones in your sink, as within, so without).

A couple years ago when I was going through a whole life phase that was all about soul cleansing, I was fortunate enough to stumble upon the work of both Martine Prechtel, and Sobonfu Some.  I found Sobonfu’s Grief Rituals just when I needed them.  I was going through a process of deep forgiveness for things that I didn’t even realize, until then, that I needed to let go of. I grieved, not a lost person in the physical sense, but I grieved childhood expectations, so subtle within me, that I did not even realize that it had been lodged in my psyche and soul, holding me back from forgiving, and thusly, fully living my life, free and empowered.  I attended two grief rituals within the space of three months and I grieved from the very core of my being. I found a place of deep acceptance and forgiveness for the world, finally seeing the possibility of healing and wholeness, right here, in this world, with all its challenges. The experience was similar to when you clean your kitchen, but this time, you get in all of those little nooks, like the place between the sink and the wall, or those corners of the stove or cabinets where gunk accumulates.  I scrubbed my soul squeaky clean, and I came out on the other side to a life of freedom, synchronicity, empowerment and abundance.  I can not even begin to truly express the profound shift that has come in my life from this simple act of soul cleansing.  And I continue to clean myself out with daily, weekly, monthly and yearly rituals, all in various degrees of structure, depending on the need.

Now, because you and I live in this society that we do, when you first begin to cleanse your soul, you might realize, whoa, there’s more in this basement than I thought there would be. So, go easy on yourself, take your time, and believe it or not, you can even have fun with it, especially if you find people to help, support, guide and with whom to share the experience.  It may seem like a chore, but grieving in ritual, with intention and with a village is more of a pleasant celebration than you might at first think.  I invite you to join me in this magnificent time of spring cleaning. Whether it is your house, your body, your soul or all three at once, may we all clean the channels that our souls come alive again, and again, and again!

“Success is liking who you are, what you do and how you do it.”-Maya Angelou

What is success? Do you have your own definition of it? Is success something that drives you? Do you believe there is such a thing as failure?

Many of us drive our energies forward, pushing through the day in pursuit of various ideas of success. Usually these ideas of progress that drive us so hard come from outside of us: from society, parents, family, friends, teachers and co-workers. Less often do we stop to ask if these ideas of success truly resonate in our own hearts and authentic selves.  As a result, our successes, even if achieved, can feel empty and we are driven on to the next pursuit, no longer listening to ourselves, on an endless unsatisfying search for the temporary relief of approval. This process often happens so unconsciously that you may not even be aware of what ideas of success drive you, even if they drive everything you do, every moment of the day! Is there another way? I think so.

Why do we create and live for such images and ideas? Our inner hunger for approval, respect, love and validation drives us, often unconsciously, to pursue whatever idea of success was modeled for us.  In some ways, this can be helpful as it helps us to learn what is possible and what we feel drawn towards as well as helping to give our lives a sense of direction. However, when we become attached to and define ourselves by these external ideas of success, we begin the process of not listening to and losing ourselves.

Once you attach your sense of self-esteem to these ideas of success, you may find that, whether you succeed or not, unless you are living in accordance with the truth of your soul, your achievements may feel empty and you will find yourself needing more and more to get the same feeling.  Furthermore, the tension of not being in alignment with your true self will show up all over your life, in your relationships, your body, your behavior, your emotions. Or perhaps, you may find that no matter how hard you try, “success” escapes you. You have “bad luck” or you keep “sabotaging” yourself, so you just have to “try harder” in spite of yourself. The likelihood is that your soul is trying to get your attention and get you back to your true path, while your idea of success keeps yanking you off track in feverish pursuit of the drug of approval.

You may have picked up your ideas of success from society, absorbing through osmosis from tv, movies and newspaper what success looks like. Perhaps success has become for you a certain physical appearance or body size and shape. Maybe it is how much you get paid, how much you accomplish, how many awards you win or how many people see what you do and say “good job”. Maybe you learned what success looks like from your parents, your teachers or your friends. Is success a certain car you drive? Is it dependent on what your kids do or accomplish? Is it somehow connected to how hard you work, how busy you are, how tired you are or how much of yourself you sacrifice for all that you do for others? Is it a spouse, a house and 2.5 kids? Perhaps it is independence, or not needing material things or spiritual prowess or wisdom? What idea of success drives you?

Now, there is certainly nothing wrong with this desire for approval, nor the enjoyment of it. I myself adore the feeling of doing a good job, I’m like a little puppy dog, just as happy as can be when I see that I’ve made someone happy. The problem becomes when this approval is what you are living for and when you stop living authentically so that you can try and get it. With such ideas of success, the idea of failure also comes into existence. You will find yourself in constant judgement and monitoring of yourself and others. Your emotions will ride a constant roller coaster based on whether or not you are matching the images of success from moment to moment. Your sense of self-worth will hang upon the opinions of others, or at least your perceptions of their opinions. You will just begin looking for cues from others about what you can or should do to make them happy and begin losing your ability to truly contribute in an authentic, heartfelt way that you yourself can truly enjoy, and ironically in the ways that will truly bring the most joy to others. What comes from you authentically is thousands of times more powerful than any image you might portray. If someone gives you a hug because they are supposed to, do you imagine it would feel as good as if the love they have for you welled up inside of them and brought them to embrace you wholeheartedly?

It is true, when you live authentically, you may not get the approval you were hoping for from the people you wanted it from, in the way you wanted it. You will have to let go of your ideas of how to get love. It is a terrifying thing to do, at least at first. However, eventually the rewards and benefits for yourself and others will become so completely worth any fear you had to face to get there.

My hope for everyone is that in that moment where you take a leap of faith towards your authentic nature you know that you, in your very existence–the fact that you live, breathe and walk the earth–is a success and an expression of the miracles, love and possibilities of life. You are loved, you are love.  You have within you a brilliant light, whether you can feel it or not, it is there, and it longs to guide you in every moment. If you can peel back the layers of stories and ideas about who and how you are supposed to be, you will begin to hear it loud and clear.  If you can touch, even for a moment the success that you truly are, you may find the courage and the passion to live authentically. You will find that authenticity then becomes its own reward.

So I invite you to ask yourself, “Am I living from the pursuit of external validation, constantly working to do the next “good” or “right” thing to bring the affirmation?”  When you live life from your own internal definition of success, the love and validation comes from inside of you, from an unending well of unconditional love that exists within you and the Universe. From this place, you will feel love on your best days and on your worst. You will still ending up doing many of those other things that you first saw as successful, and you will likely receive praise and adulation for them, but that won’t be the reward, nor what drives you. Recognition will be an enjoyable delight of the moment that you can savor like any other experience, though it too will pass. Living from the heart, you will be at peace with the ebb and flow of such ephemeral rewards, for the true reward will be constant.  It will be the beautiful feeling of love, for self and others, that lives within and comes from living authentically. My sense is that you will find this to be the truest and deepest nourishment and success for your soul.

Sending Blessings and Love on your Journey and I hope you enjoy!